Judy SibbeIt is now six years since my life, as I had known it for so long, changed.

My daughter, who was born with a rare chromosome disorder and required my constant caring for 26 years, moved out of home and into a supported living situation. My marriage had broken up nine years earlier and my other two children had since left home to start their own journeys in life.

I was now on my own, had just turned 50, and I felt lost. This was when I realised that I had never really experienced life as an adult without the exhaustion, worries, and stress that comes with providing full-time support.

During the years when I was the sole carer for my daughter, I had no option but to exist on a benefit.

I can only call it existing: there were never any holidays, and I lived with the constant worry of unexpected expenses. But I knew the day would come when my daughter would be ready to leave home.

Although the thought of her moving into supported accommodation was scary, I knew I had to look at this option, as I was constantly worried about what would happen to my daughter if something happened to me. She is an outgoing and sociable young lady who wanted to be with other people of her own age, and not live with Mum forever.

During the time it took to explore and wait for suitable supported accommodation for my daughter, I planned ahead for the day when I could return to work.

My priority was to get off the benefit, though I knew this wouldn't be easy, as the workforce had changed so much in the 26 years I was at home bringing up my family.

The years of providing full-time care and existing on a benefit had left me in a state of depression. I wanted a better life than the benefit could offer, and this thought kept me motivated during the rough times.

I dreamed of the day when I could buy myself some new clothes, go to a show or a movie, and have a holiday.

My passion for reading and research inspired me to study for a Diploma in Information and Library Studies. I learned by correspondence through the Open Polytechnic, and I must admit that it wasn't easy combining study with caring. But after a few years of hard work, I finally gained my diploma, around the same time as my daughter moved into supported living.

Then came the challenge to get an employer to give me the opportunity to join the workforce.

While I was applying for full-time jobs, I worked at part-time positions in retail and administration. This was great for my confidence, and provided me with useful skills and experience to add to my CV. I realised I might not find full-time library work, so applied for administrative and retail positions as well.

Two years later, with over 100 job applications and several interviews behind me, I finally obtained the job of my dreams: working with information.

I have now been working for four years as the resource coordinator for our local public health unit, and have enjoyed the challenges and contact with people this position has brought me.

Since my daughter moved into supported living, there have been ups and downs, and times where I am still required to support her at appointments or meetings.

Last year she had a hip replacement, and though I spent time with her each day while she was in hospital, it was a great relief to know that she would be returning to her own home, where there was wonderful support in place for her.

We catch up frequently, and enjoy having lunch together in town, or a game of mini golf or other activity at weekends.

Her life is so busy that I often have to make an appointment to see her!  To see my daughter happy, leading a full and busy life, is such a relief for me.

The biggest hurdle I have battled since my daughter left home is loneliness, a legacy of the isolation I experienced during my years of caring.

I am finding it very difficult in my mid 50s to find a life outside of work.

Where do I go, and what do I do, to meet people? I constantly ask myself that question.

My life has been enriched since I became a Grandma. What an absolutely wonderful experience! Although my daughter, her husband, and two children live in Invercargill (I live in Dunedin), we make an effort to catch up frequently.

One of the most precious experiences of my life was looking after Sophie, my little granddaughter, for several days earlier this year, when her new baby brother Max arrived.

Sophie was two years old at the time and we had so much fun together. We went to the park, fed the ducks, and visited the playground. We played ball and blew bubbles, read lots of books, and made things out of Play Doh. It was a truly magic time with lots of laughs and cuddles.

Sophie turns three in December, and we now have great chats on the phone.

Other changes include my son's upcoming wedding ... more excitement to look forward to. He and his fiancé are moving to Central Otago, so I am looking forward to holidays with them.

During the difficult years of providing 24 hour care for my daughter, I could never imagine that our lives would be different one day.

I know that there are more challenges ahead, but we are dealing with things step by step.

Next year I am going to try my hand at an evening art class.

Who knows? I may surprise myself and be able to draw something other than a stick man!

Judy's advice for carers thinking of re-entering paid employment

Consider whether you need training or work experience; look at ways to get this before seeking work.

Volunteering builds skills, contacts, and confidence. What courses are offered by your local polytechnic? Or is distance learning an option?

Be honest with potential employers about your caring past, and how existing caring commitments might affect work schedules (you may need to attend medical appointments, or occasionally leave work suddenly to help a family member, for example).

See Work & Income about training allowances and other kinds of help with work re-entry. Be accepting of rejection but don't give up: you will find a job if you persevere!

I am more than happy to provide any moral support to workers who may be looking for jobs and be in the same predicament I was in.

I didn't have any support, apart from a friend who gave unhelpful advice such as ‘You can always get a job as a cleaner' or ‘Why don't you just work at the supermarket'. She had no understanding of how important it was for me to get a job that I was passionate about.

It is so hard when all the rejection letters keep coming. As my two kids live out of Dunedin, I have a deal where I can make as many national phone calls as I like, so phoning people would not be an issue.

For carers who are looking at returning to the workforce I suggest planning ahead where possible.

If you know what type of work you would like, make some enquiries to see what training is available.

Talk to your work broker at Work and Income about training incentive allowance. Distance study is a great option as this can be worked around caring commitments.

Even though (like me) you may be wanting full time work, it is often easier to obtain part time or short term contract work. These jobs can be a great way to obtain skills and experience to add to the CV as well as a confidence booster.

Working as a volunteer is a wonderful way to meet people and gain skills and confidence. I volunteered at Citizens Advice bureau which I thoroughly enjoyed, met some lovely people and gained a wealth of knowledge. I also volunteered at the Trade Aid shop which gave me recent customer service experience.

Although there is no financial gain with volunteer work it does allow you to gain valuable experience while you are job hunting and is a great way to meet people if you have been at home in isolation for some time.

Re-entering the workforce after many years as a carer can be very scary, especially when technology has changed so much.

If you are in a city that has a polytechnic, make some enquiries as they may have free computing classes. These are for all ages and abilities; it doesn't matter if you have never sat in front of a computer before, the tutors will provide one-on-one assistance. Your local Citizens Advice Bureau will be able to let you know if there are free computing classes in your area.

When I was applying for employment, I mentioned in my covering letter that my commitment to providing 26 years of full-time care to my disabled daughter had restricted my past employment opportunities.

I then went on to mention how my caring role had equipped me with valuable time management and stress management skills.

It is important to be up front with a prospective employer otherwise they are going to wonder about the lack of employment history on your CV.

The most important advice I can give to carers who are applying for jobs is not to give up!

There were several times when I came very close to doing just that.

Another rejection letter would arrive in the post and I felt I was never going to get that elusive job and get off the benefit.

I applied for over 100 jobs before I was successful in gaining my present job.

I did have to pinch myself for a while after as it was like a dream.

I am so thankful that I persevered and hung in there until one person believed in me enough to offer me a job!