Stage 5:  My role is changing

You've been caring for some time and may no longer feel you can manage your role.  Or, the condition of the person you support has taken a turn for the worse, and you know his time is very limited.

As a result, you've changed your role -- or are just about to.

Stage 5 Keyword:  Allow.
Allow time to mourn and grieve; allow remembrances to remain; allow reflections of your experiences.

Your Purpose During Stage 5

To walk alongside the person you support during this time, implementing his or her decisions about the need for formal care at a facility or care home, or the end-of-life care that you both discussed during Stage 1.  This stage is about loving and feeling good about the shared journey.  As you both feel the journey end, this is also a time to mourn and grieve.  As you mourn, you might find yourself asking what the next chapter in your life will bring.  You've been caring for so long.  How can you possibly do anything else?

Steps you can take during Stage 5

1. Allow yourself time to mourn and grieve.  Accepting the transition to formal care may have been as painful a loss as a death.  Both experiences are tremendous losses -- and need to be respected with time to process, and then heal, the emotions.

2. Remember your time together.  You don't have to 'clean out' clothes or remove pictures.  When family and friends seem hesitant to talk about the person you cared for (they worry they will upset you), assure them that sharing memories, laughs and stories brings you great comfort.

3. Reflect back on your caregiving responsibilities and decisions with pride.  Find comfort in knowing that you did the best you could.

4. Review your journal.  How are you different today than you were on the day you first started writing in your journal?  How will you use this experience to enhance your future relationships?