Stage 4:  I am still helping!

You've been caring for more than five years.  You've been through it all: hospital admissions and discharges; short-term rehab stays; a vast array of community services.

You may appear to doubt the advice given by health care professionals; you've just been through the health care system long enough to know that sometimes health care professionals may not seem to have your best interests in mind.

Some family members and health care professionals worry about your ability to find humour in situations they find offensive.  They view your attitude 'uncaring'.  Nothing could be further from the truth:  you have a very practical, very realistic approach toward your caregiving role, and your sense of humour has been a critical tool for your survival.  Without your sense of humor, you would have given up a long time ago!

Stage 4 Keyword:  Welcome
Welcome the joys of your relationship; welcome forgiveness (of yourself, of the person you support, of other family members and friends); welcome shared activities.

Your Purpose During Stage 4
To gain a better understanding of yourself and your relationships.  You've settled into your role and your routines; now is your opportunity to step back and reflect.  The first three stages of caring laid the groundwork for this stage:  your period of personal growth.

Steps you can take during Stage 4

1. Work on finding joy in your relationship with the person you support.  The biggest joy-killers are your hands-on duties: bathing, dressing, incontinence care.  But these duties bring you together; this is your time togethe! . Add some fun to your hands-on care: sing songs, tell jokes, share goals and dreams.

2. Work on forgiveness of past hurts.  Resentment toward past wrongs and injustices will make your present caregiving role very difficult.  Let go of what was, and concentrate on making what is healthy and productive.

3. Develop a habit of enjoying shared activities.  Develop a routine of time shared as husband-wife, mother-daughter, father-son rather than as just caregiver and care recipient.  Releasing these roles allows you to enjoy each other as individuals who have a relationship that goes deeper than providingor receiving physical care.

4. Begin to think about your future.  What goals have you yet to achieve?  How can you achieve them?  Can the person you support help you to achieve them?