Stage 3:  I am helping

You've been providing support for two to five years.  Your involvement is almost daily (if not constant).  The person you support may live with you, or your involvement means that your day is structured to be available to the person.

You begin to wonder how much longer you can live this way.  Your mood is sometimes upbeat -- you're proud you've been able to provide support -- but you may also feel down at times, grieving for losses and perhaps worrying about financial issues.  And, you're tired.

Stage 3 Keyword: Receive
Receive help -- from anyone who offers; receive breaks from caregiving; receive support.

Your Purpose During Stage 3
To develop a routine, creating a familiar schedule for you, the person you support, and others in the family.  A routine will help you deal with the overwhelming stresses and responsibilities that wear you out.  A routine will provide comfort for you and the person you support.  This stage may be the most difficult for both of you.  The changes you prepared for in Stage 1 and 2 are now a reality -- you have become something of a lifeline to a family member or friend.

Steps you can take during Stage 3

1. Determine your limits.  What's your comfort level in providing care in your home?  For instance, some carers feel uncomfortable providing intimate cares, such as bathing or dressing.  Others determine they can provide care at home as long as they can remain employed outside the home.  Others feel that they can provide care as long as others will share responsibilities in the home.  But ... everyone has limits.  What are yours?

2. Continue regular breaks.  Consider annual weekly break s-- investigate short-term respite stays in your community's nursing homes. Or, ask relatives to take over the caregiving role for a week or two every year or every two years.  Continue to take daily, weekly and monthly breaks.  Keep up with your own interests and hobbies as best you can.  Learn about how to have breaks in our Help and advice section.  Learn about affordable retreats and community supports that may provide opportunities to have breaks in our Caring Community section.

3. Keep up with a support system (a support group, or understanding family members or friends).

4. Continue to learn about the illness or health needs of the person you support.   Is their condition stable, or changing?  What is next for them ... for you?  What will any changes mean for you and the rest of the family?  What extra supports may be needed to deal with these changes?

5. Start a second journal to detail the needs of the person you support, and your caring responsibilities.  Note any changes in your their health and condition so you can confidently discuss any concerns at medical appointments.  Continue to use your first journal as an outlet for your feelings and experiences as a carer.  What gives you cause for celebration?  What causes you to mourn?